why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
