After last night, I could never be a politician.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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