omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
