I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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