Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
