Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
