Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
