he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
