Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
