Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
