You really coming over, don't trick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
