So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
