Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
