How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
