google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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