somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
