hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
