Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
