Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
