the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
