well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
