No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
