I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
