Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
