Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
then he tried to convert me to islam
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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