Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
