They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
