I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
