You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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