Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
