So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
