I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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