I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
