yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
