She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
