Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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