WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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