I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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