They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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