i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
