i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
