Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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