I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
