I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
