Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
