If that was your dad, he is hot
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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