my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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