xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
