i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
