Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
