There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
