Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
