he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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