I could have mohawked her pubes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
