after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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