A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
