yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
