this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
