Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
